


Memories (Somewhere down the line in the future)

by Hyogacamus1984



Series: 青春アミーゴ (Seishun Amigo) [18]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M, Nakajima clan, Yamada clan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:46:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9459833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyogacamus1984/pseuds/Hyogacamus1984





	

Yamada opens yet another box of recorded DVD and sighs.  
He knows his mother has recorded every single appearance of him since he started as a Johnny’s Junior, but he doesn’t realise how much stuff there are.  
He thought he has moved most of the his things from his family home to his flat when he first moved away, but apparently he has accumulate double the amount of things from living away from home and heading back to the family home (nearly) every single opportunity when he is close enough.  
He wanted to finish packing today, but it doesn’t look like it going to work, especially most of the stuff in boxes he just wants to take with him because it all means so much.  
He never thought of himself as a hoarder.  
He is getting married in half a year’s time, maybe he doesn’t have to do the packing up yet?

Oh yes. The tour.

He is going to go on a national tour with JUMP half a year before he’s due to get married and there has been talk about another Asian tour.   
He wanted to move it all to his old flat and then forget all about it, but he has already handed over his keys to Misaki so she can start to be independent.  
And Raiya has very quickly moved into Yuto’s flat the moment the two of them moved in together.   
To be fair, they have put this off long enough.   
Even though their families have no problem with them keeping thing at the family home, both of them decided that they should once and for all clean up their childhood rooms.  
And he is sounding like a girl right now.  
He pulls out his phone and sends a message to Yuto.

Ryosuke: I think I am going to stay at home tonight. There is a lot more things that I thought.

He grabs the first DVD puts it into the DVD player slot. It looks like an old episode of Shounen Club.   
Then he sees himself on screen.  
He couldn’t have been more than 12 years old.   
His first performance, perhaps? He isn’t sure. He wasn’t even at the front of the dance troop.  
But Yuto was.  
He picks up the DVD case and checks the date on the side that seems to be fading away.   
2004.  
His phone beeps.

Yuto: are you sure? I don’t mind picking you up whenever. I’ll drop my stuff off to our home tonight, just let me know and I’ll come pick you up?

He smiles.  
“Our home”.  
He likes that.

Ryosuke: it’s okay. ^^ but I want to spend some time with my mother too. I’ll see you tomorrow?

Young Yuto looks so adorable on screen, even though his stage clothes were absolutely mental.  
He can’t really say much about himself - he was wearing Johnny-issued Junior outfit (and god forbid if you get onto the wrong side of Takizawa, you are going to be in ill-fitted outfit for eternity).   
He can’t for the sake of it remember how that day went, nor did he remember what actually happened.  
He remembered walking to the station with Yuto though, with Kamenashi behind them making sure they are going to be okay, and Yuto falling asleep on his shoulder.  
He sits in front of the TV and watches the whole episode, plus the rest of the recording DVD (Which is just more episodes of Shounen Club).   
It’s very weird to see himself on TV, especially when he is so little.   
DVD after DVD, he watches each of them, not wanting to throw any away.  
The blue outfit, where Yuto put his arms round his neck as they sang, and it looked like Yuto wasn’t that much taller than he was.  
Back then.  
His eyes light up the moment when he hears the familiar intro to one of the first songs that he ever sang on stage.  
‘Seishun Amigo’.  
He sang the song with Yuto.  
Yuto in his silver t-shirt with pink feathers on the sleeves, and he was wearing a pink sparkly sleeveless top.  
Both of them looked ridiculous.  
And sounded a bit ridiculous too, for that matter.  
He couldn’t help but laugh at it.  
The two of them sang ‘Seishun Amigo’ too in the next episode. This time dressed as if they were an extra in the Godfather or something. Black suits with a black hat.  
He still thinks he looked ridiculous.   
His phone beeps again.

Yuto: okay. Just let me know and I’ll bring the car round.  
Ryosuke: ok!

He isn’t sure how long he has been sitting around and watching the DVD, but when his mother knocks on his door to call him for dinner and his eyes feel like they can do with a lie-down, he glances down at the boxes and it says “2011”. He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes with his palm.

“How are you doing on the DVDs?” His father asks.   
“I am keeping them all.” Yamada answers, heading straight for another piece of meat.  
“Doesn’t Yuto have the same stuff?” His mother says. “I mean, most of the Junior videos and the first few years after you debut were the two of you together anyway.”  
“Nah, you don’t see the two of them as much after they debut.” Misaki answers. “The two of them fought, remember?”  
“We didn’t.” Yamada argues. “We just didn’t agree on everything.”  
“Keep telling yourself THAT.” Misaki smirks. “You were jealous because Yuto was amazing. Yuto is still amazing. And taller too.”

Yamada deep down knows Misaki is right.  
The last few DVD he watched before dinner didn’t really have Yuto in it, but mostly of Chinen and Dai-chan and Keito.  
As if Dai-chan has joins SEVEN and Yuto has joined BEST instead.  
Yuto always filmed lots of footage too, and he would make copies of them for each member, special cut and everything, but he doesn’t recall seeing many of them before dinner.   
It was after ‘Dreams Come True’? When he became the centre of the group?  
It was after “Yan Yan Jump” changed format, and when they did “Showa vs. Heisei”?  
But the thing is, having re-watched both “Yan Yan Jump” and “Showa vs. Heisei”, he realised how Yuto was already so talented back then.  
He has impeccable memories.  
He learnt archery in a span or a few hours.   
He was the better actor in “Kyoshi Sensei”. The one with a soul and the one who is compassionate (and the one who had water poured all over him and got all the dirt).  
That’s why he wanted to grow because he wanted to stand next to Yuto, be as good as Yuto, and to be good enough for Yuto.  
But not pushed him away.  
It just... ended up that way.

He carries on with watching the DVDs after dinner. They made up when they filmed “Riso no musuko” and everything seemed better. He was the centre stage and Yuto was only a support actor, who has to be horrible to him and has to fight him.   
But Yuto seemed content, as if he has gotten over the worst part and he had come to terms with something.   
As if weights has been lifted off from his shoulder.  
Yuto would quite happy let him take centre stage, and just... Stand there with him and next to him.   
And support him no matter what.  
Like when he became 1/3 of NYC.  
And when Chinen joined him in NYC.   
And when he was told he was releasing “Mystery Virgin” as a solo artist.   
He was the first person to text him back and said ‘good luck’ and ‘I’ll support you no matter what’, but Yuto shines in his own ways. The dorky and absolutely adorable ikemen.  
He mother knocks on the door again and pops her hand in.

“Can I come join you?” she asks. “I have strawberry shortcake!” Yamada smiles and nods. The two of them watches the JUMP PV making whilst drinking tea, and some footage that Yuto filmed. They haven’t got any dates on them, but Yamada knows exactly when it was filmed, and fills in the dates on the covers and the DVDs.   
Then the JUMParty videos.  
Except for the first one (it was expected really, Yuto doesn’t have the patient and Yuto is too hyper to play Jenga), Yuto won every single one of them JUMParty, be it in a team or competing on his own.   
He is fast with a great memory (when he singlehandedly got 107 points for the team and Yuya got nothing), a good driver (he had the best results along with Dai-Chan at indoor go-kart), perform great under pressure (strike only when needed), sturdy, flexible, strong and actually is a lot more sporty than he looks (at that height as well as being able to bend down as if he is a flip phone) and of course.   
Archery.   
Having a laugh at JUMParty as well as Zeus Battle.   
Zeus Battle where he jumped over the bar which is about waist height. On him.   
K.O. the opponent in a matter of seconds when they were wrestling.

“Did you think I would ever make it this far?”  
“Yes and no.” Yamada’s mother answers as she takes another mouthful of the cake. “I thought you’d do well, only I didn’t realise you’re going to be the centre of attention because to be perfectly honest, you’re just about to be on par on everything.”   
“Yuto was the centre when we first started.” Yamada admits. “When we were the first generation of Hey! Say! 7. Even in the beginning in Hey! Say! JUMP, he was the centre.”   
“I know. From what I saw, it was difficult for the two of you to have to switch places. I personally think one of the reasons is that you stopped growing.” His mother laughs. “Yuto didn’t. He was going through the phase where he was neither here nor there. His voice broke and it didn’t settle for years. In fact, I don’t think it has settled, especially when he gets excited and starts talking really fast and really high pitch.” Yamada smiles as he digs into his piece of cake. “He took his time growing up, whereas you kind of did it overnight. In a way I wish you had that. Engaged in school activities more and spend more time like a kid. Stay up at stupid hours for revision, then having to deal with work after school and not have enough sleep. I think that’s why Yuto is very child-like still? It might have been hard on Yuto, seeing his best friend suddenly becoming who he supposed to be, but I think it’s a blessing in disguised. He didn’t think so at that point of course, but Yuto’s mother and I have the same thought.” Yamada looks confused. “You two might be fighting, we weren’t. She also thought Yuto needed time to grow up mentally too, and you knocking him over taught him a lesson. Everything was practically handed to Yuto the moment he was starred in Tokio’s music video, and even more after he did ‘Nobuta wo. Produce’ because Kamenashi and Yamapi babied him when they were on set. It was too easy for him and his mother was worried he’d be arrogant and self-centred. Admittedly, we all know that isn’t in Yuto’s nature, but there was always that risk.” Yamada nods. “But look at him when he finally grew into his adult shape? ‘Suuikyu Yankee’ happened and then ‘Pink and Gray’. Let’s not forget ‘Hazawa Naoki’ and ‘Hope’. He did everything he wanted to do to a professional level, because he had the time. He is a very smart child anyway, but he had the time to perfect everything. I wish you had the time to actually play the saxophone better.”   
“I ain’t bad at it.” Yamada pouts.   
“You could have been better if you had the time.” Yamada knows his mother was telling the truth. It does explain how Chinen graduate top of their class (But Chinen is a genius) with Yuto close behind.   
“You said you think it’s one of the reasons. What is the other one?” Yamada asks.  
“You two were getting too close and it doesn’t work that way in your business. At least not in the same group.” Hs mother says. “If they want the two of you to be close, you’d be a duo. Like Kinki Kids and Tackey and Tsubasa. But you are in a group, there need to be more combination. The two of you can’t always be ‘together’. People will get bored of it, especially both of you are so popular. Look at Yamapi and Toma. They were taken apart because they became popular too quickly. Look at Kamenashi and Akanishi. Even after they debut, they have to act as if they hated each other. It was easy because Akanishi is so unpredictable. Then look at Toma and Matsujun, and Tackey and Sabaru. It’s just like that. What happened when you have become the top of your game after debut is a different story. If you think about it, the public is quite happy to support Toma and Yamapi separately, and when Toma appeared in Yamapi’s solo concert, the crowd went wild.”  
“I thought Yuto would take my spot when he finished ‘Pink and Gray’. He had so many happening at the beginning of 2016.” His mother shakes her head. “In fact, before that I felt like I was going to lose my spot as the centre of JUMP after he finished ‘Suikyu Yankees’.”  
“Can’t you see? He wanted to be able to stand next to you.”   
“But he has always been next to me. He promised to always stand next to me and with me. I am just doing the same. I wanted to be good enough for him.”   
“Did you ever tell him that?”

Yamada freezes.   
He never said anything to Yuto. He just assumed Yuto understand.   
Because Yuto always understands.  
He doesn’t have to utter a word and Yuto would understand just by looking at him.   
They can be fighting and Yuto will still understand him.

“I’ll leave you to it.” His mother says, patting him in the head before leaving the room. “And go to bed soon goddamnit. It’s late.”

Yamada picks up his phone and dials the familiar number. The phone rings only once before a familiar voice chimes through the phone.

“Ryosuke, you okay?” Yuto asks, sounding like he has been asleep.   
“I am fine.” He answers, suddenly realises he misses Yuto. “Are you at home?”  
“No, I’m at my parents – I thought I might as well stay close by if I am picking you up tomorrow. What’s wrong? Do you want me to pick you up?” Yuto asks.   
“Just... wanted to hear your voice.”   
“I’m glad you miss me Yama. I miss you too.” Yuto answers.   
“How do you always know what I am thinking?” Yamada asks.   
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just attuned to you?”   
“I was jealous of you.” Yamada confesses.   
“You were?” Yuto asks, shocked. “Why?”  
“Yeah.” Yamada answers. “It didn’t start that way. I just wanted to be as good as you, then the feeling changed and I want to be good enough for you... Then I became centre stage.”   
“Mama said I started growing.” Yuto says. “I wasn’t myself and I wasn’t comfortable being me. There was a reason I have to step aside, even though it wasn’t very pro-active from my end and I didn’t really have a choice.”   
“I’m sorry.” Yamada says. “For being an attention seeker when I was younger.”   
“You haven’t done anything wrong.” Yuto says. “I blamed my never ending growth spurt, and the fact that you grew into your adult size a lot quicker. I guess you didn’t have much growing up to do, whereas I do, mentally and physically. And I wasn’t in the right frame of mind either. I mean, the whole group hated me, remember?”  
“We didn’t. You just seemed to have an endless wall built up round you. We just didn’t know how to approach you.”  
“And I didn’t know how to break through it myself because I was a self-centred arrogant prick.” Yuto says. “It took me forever to understand why. I am glad I could save myself from myself.”   
“But you weren’t angry with me at all?”  
“Of course I was angry. But I think I was angrier at myself than at you. I definitely didn’t like you. I just didn’t understand because I was still young. It also doesn’t mean I didn’t love you.” Yuto says. “I have loved you right from the start.”   
“I just wanted to be next to you, and stand by you. Support you in everything. Like you do for me.”   
“I know.” Yuto answers. “You didn’t have to say it out.”   
“But I need you to know. Even though I know you know. I just need to know that you know, and you hear it straight from me and you’re not just assuming it because you’re so attuned to me.”   
“You do realised you just confused me right?” Yuto laughs. “It’s nearly three in the morning, I was asleep and when I saw your name on my phone I thought something happened.”  
“NEARLY THREE?” Yamada shouts down the phone and looks at his watch. “I’m so sorry Yuto! I didn’t realise it’s nearly three!”   
“Don’t fret Ryosuke.” Yuto says. “I’m awake, aren’t I? And I’m glad you told me how you feel. You should do that more often. I like it.”   
“I am going to let you go to sleep now.” Yamada sighs, not wanting to embarrass himself further.   
“You know I think that’s really endearing when you make a fool of yourself, right?” Yuto asks. “It’s what makes you so amazing, and why I fall in love with you more and more each day.”  
“You are so corny.” Yamada laughs, rubbing his eyes and suddenly realised how tired he is, as if a massive burden has lifted from his shoulder. “And stop reading my mind!”  
“I am not. Like I said, I am attuned to you. I’ll see you in the morning Yama.” Yuto says. “I love you. Night.”  
“Night. I love you.” Yamada answers.

\---

“I’m here for Yamada Ryosuke!” Yuto says on the intercom after ringing the doorbell. Misaki opens the door.   
“You have a key...?” She raised an eyebrow at him on the intercom as she opens the electronic gate.   
“Hands full.” Yuto answers as he bounces up the stairs towards the front door.

Misaki thinks Yuto is one of the most romantic, but also one of the dorkiest people that she will never know.  
And she is glad that he’s going to be family soon.   
She hopes one day she will have the special someone that does all this completely mental but lovable things to her too.

“Why would you bring that?” She asks as she steps aside for Yuto to walk into the house. He kicks his shoes off, towers over Misaki with a hug and rushes into the kitchen in his socks, hugging Yamada’s mother who nearly goes into shock before tapping Yamada’s father’s shoulder who is reading the newspaper with a quick ‘tadaima; good morning’ and runs up to Yamada’s room, two steps at a time.   
“He’s still asleep.” Yamada’s mother laughs and shakes her head at the tornado also known as Yuto. Then she blinks. “Was that...”  
“Yes. Yes it was.” Misaki answers, finishing her breakfast before picking up her bag and lunch box before heading out. “See you later mum!”   
“Safe journey!” Yamada’s mother shouts after her.   
“I’m off too.” Yamada’s father says as he stands up and softly kisses her goodbye. “Don’t let the two of them tear my house down. They are moving soon and I’d hate it if this house falls apart before that.”   
“They haven’t for the last god knows how many years with help from Chii and Keito and Dai-chan. I think we are safe.” Yamada’s mother answers. “Drive safely.”   
“I will.”

\---

“Ryo...Suke...” Yuto says as he opens the door, then he notices the room is still dark and there is still a Yamada-shaped lump on his bed. Yuto can’t help but smiles.   
Three in the morning the night before.   
He must have only been asleep for a few hours. He puts the stuff down onto Yamada’s desk before shedding his light jacket, jeans and socks, and makes sure his bag is not in the way (he got told off last time) before climbing slowly into Yamada’s bed and presses a kiss on his forehead.   
“Yuto?” Yamada mumbles as Yuto tucks him into his arms.   
“Sssh. Go back to sleep.” Yuto says. “It’s early.”   
“What time is it?” Yamada asks.   
“Half past seven.” Yuto answers. “Sleep. I’m here when you wake.”   
“Okay.”

\---

“Yuto.” Yuto feels someone poking his cheeks, and as he turns his face and reaches out, the warmth next to him is gone. “Yuto.” He turns his head towards the sound and opens his eyes. Yamada is standing in front of him with a bunch of roses.   
“Ryosuke. You shouldn’t have.” Yuto answers.   
“You didn’t buy them?” Yamada asks.   
“Buy what?”  
“Roses.”   
“Yeah I bought some. You were asleep earlier.”   
“Baka! These are the roses you bought earlier!” Yamada isn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. “You left them in my room with no water!”   
“I’m not sure what to do with them...?” Yuto asks.   
“Put them in water!” Yamada scolds and smacks his forehead. “You never cease to amaze me.”   
“Good. I intend to keep it that way.” Yuto answers before getting out of bed. “Do you like them?”   
“I love them.” Yamada answers as he grabs a vase from his room before rushing to the bathroom to fill it up and put the flowers in. “What’s the occasion?” Yuto shrugs.   
“I haven’t bought you flowers before so when I drove past it earlier I thought I’d get you some.”   
“They are gorgeous.” Yamada says as he goes on his tip toes to plant a kiss in the back of Yuto’s neck. “Thank you. I think I’ll leave it here. Mum would love them. Is that okay?”   
“They are for you. You can do whatever you want with them.” Yuto answers. “Besides, we can always get more on the way home.”   
“Stop spoiling me.” Yamada says.   
“I am not. I am just glad you have started to tell me how you feel.” Yuto answers. “And you can start telling me how you used to feel.”   
“You never thought I was jealous?” Yuto shakes his head.   
“I was jealous of you.” Yuto says. “When you became the star. The centre of the group. I was so jealous. I thought you took my spot and it felt like betrayal. You are my best friend. Like I said, I was angry and I started to dislike you. But I still love you.”   
“You were jealous?”   
“Why is it so shocking?” Yuto asks. “You were everything I supposed to be. And when niichan came into our dressing room and asked YOU to do a photo shoot with him instead, did you know how angry I was? Niichan had to spend days talking and explaining to me why he chose you and it wasn’t me. Admittedly he didn’t have a choice. He was just the messenger.”   
“When?”   
“Back in the days. Before you were Kindaichi and after he was Kindaichi.” Yuto answers. “The one in the classroom?” Yamada has a vague idea of what he is referring to. “But then if you look back, your solo work and my solo work is actually about the same pre-2016, we just peak at different time. Quite ironic in a way though, because you worked with the same people as I did, only you did it a few years beforehand. And in a way I see why things have to be like that. You can’t have too many people peaking at the same time, not in our group. There are too many of us.” Yamada nods. He didn’t realise so much went through Yuto’s head. Even though Yuto said he needed time to grow up, and he was already grown up, he didn’t experience as much ups and down as Yuto did. “But you know what?” Yamada looks at Yuto as he wraps Yamada up and presses his face into the crook of his shoulder. “I’m glad I had to deal with the pain. I wouldn’t want to see you going through that. It wasn’t nice.” Yuto whispers into Yamada’s ear.

Yamada wants to cry.   
Really hard.   
Yuto has not only stood by him, next to him and support him every single way, Yuto also protected him.   
He’d rather feel the pain, suffer the losses than seeming Yamada through it.   
He took it with no complaint (those Yamada thought maybe passive-aggressive is a type of complaint too) and a lot of growing pain.  
He fell because he loves.

“Ryosuke. You okay?” Yuto asks as his shoulder feels damp. Yamada shakes his head. “What’s wrong?”   
“You.” Yamada sobs. “You.”   
“What did I do?” Yuto asks, completely lost.   
“You’ve done so much. You have done too much for me.” Yamada says as he lifts up his head and looks at Yuto with a blotchy face from crying. “You could have said something. The situation would have been different.” Yuto shakes his head.   
“Don’t you see?” Yuto smiles, wiping his tears with his callus fingers that bring comfort to Yamada. “You helped me grow up, grow enough to protect you. I wouldn’t be here if it’s not for you.”

Yamada wails like a baby.   
Yamada never really cries.  
Yuto isn’t quite sure what to do with him so he just let him buries his head into his chest.

“It’s all over now, we are where we are because we both did our best. We grow from experience. What matters is now, right?” Yuto says quietly, gently stroking his head.  
“I love you.” Yamada sobs.  
“I love you too.” Yuto smiles. “So are we ready to go? What are you taking with you?” Yamada shakes his head. “Nothing?”  
“I’ve got you. That’s all I need.” Yamada says, wiping his face on Yuto’s t-shirt.   
“Now who’s the cheesy one?” Yuto smiles, still stroking his hair. “Come on, let’s go home.”  
“I have one more thing to ask.” Yamada says as Yuto puts his clothes on.   
“Ask away.”  
“You know when we were fighting, you were still filming a lot?” Yuto nods. “Did you have videos of me that you never gave me?”  
“Of course.” Yuto answers. “I think I edit out about 60% of the footage before I give people their DVDs. With yours, I just didn’t even bother editing for a few years. They are safely stored away.”  
“In your ‘sort through’ folder?” Yuto nods again. “Are you ever planning to look through them?”  
“What do you think?” Yuto laughs.


End file.
